8 weeks old today

Dear Moksha,

You should be 8 weeks old today. Daddy and I just spent the week in Sicily, without you. We took some pictures of you with us and looked at them often. I thought a lot about you - almost all the time. I love you so much, I can't even find the words to say it.

Wherever you are, I don't know whether you're still a newborn or if you've grown into an 8 week old baby, or whether you're a pure spirit much older and wiser than I can ever be in this world or whether you've been reborn as someone else.

If you're still a newborn or an 8 week old baby, I so hope that someone or Someone is looking after you. Otherwise how will you know what to do? Who will feed you when you're hungry or soothe you when you wake up after a bad dream? I love you even if I can't do it for you. I can't do it because we're in different worlds. How could you ever understand this? You're just a little baby. Please don't think that I didn't or don't love you or that I abandoned you.

If you've been reborn to someone else, I so hope that you're in a happy family that love you. Maybe you have brothers or sisters already? That would be fun for you.

I want more than anything to be with you again. I think we have to wait for that. Can you wait? Sometimes I don't know if I want to wait very long. Maybe time goes by at a different speed for you. (In that case I don't know how old you are).

Daddy said you're with me in my heart all the time. He said, "Do you know any child that doesn't want its mother to be happy?" I suppose this is true. Children are happy when their parents are happy. But I miss you so much, it's hard for me to be happy. I'm sorry. I can't pretend. You would know anyway.

I love you.
Mummy