6 years ago
Thursday, 29 January 2009
2.5
Two and a half - you would have been two and a half today, playing with your little brother, showing him stuff and probably pushing him around and you running around. Would your hair have been as straight and soft? I didn't really see it dry off properly. I think your eyes were as big.
Monday, 26 January 2009
No Dancing
So I admit that I sometimes stalk Ya.hoo An.swers and answer questions on pregnancy, kick counts and the like.
Yesterday I came across a question, just a few hours old, entitled "Stillbirth, please just some advice."
I answered it. Matthew died following a cord accident just five days ago. I imagine his parents still in utter shock wondering how life can ever continue, how the sun still rises and sets. I remember what it feels like.
And then today, I had an email from Yah.oo Ans.wers saying:
"Congratulations, you've got a best answer and 10 extra points!
Your answer to the question really hit the spot and has been chosen as the best answer. Go ahead, do your victory dance. Celebrate a little. Brag a little. Then come back and answer a few more questions!"
Ummm, yeah. Victory dance indeed.
Yesterday I came across a question, just a few hours old, entitled "Stillbirth, please just some advice."
I answered it. Matthew died following a cord accident just five days ago. I imagine his parents still in utter shock wondering how life can ever continue, how the sun still rises and sets. I remember what it feels like.
And then today, I had an email from Yah.oo Ans.wers saying:
"Congratulations, you've got a best answer and 10 extra points!
Your answer to the question really hit the spot and has been chosen as the best answer. Go ahead, do your victory dance. Celebrate a little. Brag a little. Then come back and answer a few more questions!"
Ummm, yeah. Victory dance indeed.
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Time passes
[photo removed]
Here's a picture of Beanie from a week or so again. He's big isn't he? Ten months old next week.
And on the same day, V would have been 2 and a half.
Last week a friend, M, and her son T came over for a little while. T is one week older than V. I visited M and T in hospital two days before V's due date. The maternity wing reception were confused as they thought I had come in to give birth.
I never never would have thought that I would have been able to spend any sort of time with T. He is exactly how V would have been. Beanie and T together - they were just the perfect age gap. But I didn't even find it hard. Oh, I thought about it, but it just wasn't gut wrenching. I have come to a point where T is T and V is V and they are so clearly not the same person.
When M found out V had died, she told me that her previous pregnancy had ended for unknown reasons at 20 weeks. I didn't know that - we had met up for lunch several times during our pregnancies and I didn't know that. It was a girl, K.
Here's a picture of Beanie from a week or so again. He's big isn't he? Ten months old next week.
And on the same day, V would have been 2 and a half.
Last week a friend, M, and her son T came over for a little while. T is one week older than V. I visited M and T in hospital two days before V's due date. The maternity wing reception were confused as they thought I had come in to give birth.
I never never would have thought that I would have been able to spend any sort of time with T. He is exactly how V would have been. Beanie and T together - they were just the perfect age gap. But I didn't even find it hard. Oh, I thought about it, but it just wasn't gut wrenching. I have come to a point where T is T and V is V and they are so clearly not the same person.
When M found out V had died, she told me that her previous pregnancy had ended for unknown reasons at 20 weeks. I didn't know that - we had met up for lunch several times during our pregnancies and I didn't know that. It was a girl, K.
Friday, 9 January 2009
Back to work next week
Beanie's nanny worked three days this week, as I was supposed to be at work but instead was resting on doctor's orders after the pox. In the end it turned out well, Beanie got a good transition as I was around for most of the time, Nanny could ask lots of questions on the job, I got to know her a little better and now I feel better about leaving him with her.
I don't feel okay about leaving him generally, but I think I will manage.
The nanny is an expensive child care solution, especially as we are doing everything above board and making social security and pension plan contributions for her, we've got the required accident insurance for employees and an official work permit (she's not a national of this country). I'm going back to work 60% and I have to hire her 75% (10 hours 3 days a week) to allow for commuting time etc. But I was not ready to put Beanie in a crêche and anyway there aren't any round here with any places. So we will just suck the cost up as I wasn't going to do anything else anyway.
I am going back to the same company but not the same job as before, and the job I was going to do, which wasn't very challenging but I figured it was going to be easy for me, has changed and now I am going to do something else. I will probably learn a lot more and it will be more interesting, but I'm struggling to see how it's going to be done in 60%. In fact I'm pretty sure that my new manager hasn't factored the fact that I will be working 3 days a week (for ahem, three days a week salary) into the job at all.
24 hours a week - the standard working week being 40 hours here - and I've already been invited to about 15 hours of meetings next week. I guess that before I had a living child at home I worked pretty hard and didn't mind working long hours. But that has changed and I want to make sure I see Beanie either in the morning or in the evening on the days I work. I got a good performance bonus last year, as well, I turned in a very good performance, but I also got a below-inflation insultingly low salary increase, the first in a few years. So there are at least two good reasons why I am not planning to work long long hours again. I will have to have a meeting overload eject button or I won't be able to get actual work done. Another good reason is that I'm unlikely to get paid any overtime for extra hours whereas I will have to pay Nanny for every extra 15 minutes. So I am resolved to somehow make this work.
And yes, in this current economic climate, I am well aware that I should be happy to have a job at all. And I know I'm not very original in my worries here.
I don't feel okay about leaving him generally, but I think I will manage.
The nanny is an expensive child care solution, especially as we are doing everything above board and making social security and pension plan contributions for her, we've got the required accident insurance for employees and an official work permit (she's not a national of this country). I'm going back to work 60% and I have to hire her 75% (10 hours 3 days a week) to allow for commuting time etc. But I was not ready to put Beanie in a crêche and anyway there aren't any round here with any places. So we will just suck the cost up as I wasn't going to do anything else anyway.
I am going back to the same company but not the same job as before, and the job I was going to do, which wasn't very challenging but I figured it was going to be easy for me, has changed and now I am going to do something else. I will probably learn a lot more and it will be more interesting, but I'm struggling to see how it's going to be done in 60%. In fact I'm pretty sure that my new manager hasn't factored the fact that I will be working 3 days a week (for ahem, three days a week salary) into the job at all.
24 hours a week - the standard working week being 40 hours here - and I've already been invited to about 15 hours of meetings next week. I guess that before I had a living child at home I worked pretty hard and didn't mind working long hours. But that has changed and I want to make sure I see Beanie either in the morning or in the evening on the days I work. I got a good performance bonus last year, as well, I turned in a very good performance, but I also got a below-inflation insultingly low salary increase, the first in a few years. So there are at least two good reasons why I am not planning to work long long hours again. I will have to have a meeting overload eject button or I won't be able to get actual work done. Another good reason is that I'm unlikely to get paid any overtime for extra hours whereas I will have to pay Nanny for every extra 15 minutes. So I am resolved to somehow make this work.
And yes, in this current economic climate, I am well aware that I should be happy to have a job at all. And I know I'm not very original in my worries here.
Sunday, 4 January 2009
36
It was my birthday yesterday. I am 36. A 36 year-old mother of three (one present) recovering from a nasty bout of chicken pox involving around 400 spots but one which didn't require hospitalisation or have further complications, and thank goodness I was not pregnant.
I did spent 7 hours waiting in emergency for a blood test after my doctor sent me there out of hours. Not a good day, that one. The very young doctor - all the experienced ones have gone skiing - diagnosed me with an additional ear infection for which I am taking antibiotics, which in turn have destroyed my intestinal flora and given me a tummy upset. I keep taking Bioflo.rin and my antibiotic keeps on destroying my good bacteria as well as the bad stuff. Oh well, only two days of antibiotics left.
So chicken pox is no longer one of my pregnancy fears. I still have parvovirus and toxoplasmosis but chicken pox is ticked off the list. Of course it would have been better to have ticked it off via vaccine, but now I'm almost through it, ticked off is fine.
I'm going back to work next week instead of this week as I am allowed to spend more some time recovering. Beanie's nanny starts properly tomorrow anyway.
Beanie has recovered well from his chicken pox. Overnight he went from creeping around occasionally to creeping around everywhere, hauling himself inefficiently but effectively by his arms. No more parking him on the rug whilst I pop to the kitchen to do something. We've already started baby-proofing the apartment, a job which needs a rush-finish now
My birthday was a bit of a washout and DH's, which is on Boxing Day, was the same as he had to look after Beanie all day apart from when he went out to lunch on his own. He's done very well actually and has spent a lot of time looking after him. My mum spent the time recovering from flu and sinusitis, on antibiotics of her own. She left on New Year's Day.
I did finally manage to get to V and A's lake on my birthday, which was the only thing I really wanted to do anyway. Beanie's hair is so soft - I so wish I could ruffle V's hair as well. Just before Christmas I saw a little boy in a shop who looked just like an older version of Beanie, and therefore looked just like I imagine V would be looking now had he lived. He took my breath away for a few seconds.
I did spent 7 hours waiting in emergency for a blood test after my doctor sent me there out of hours. Not a good day, that one. The very young doctor - all the experienced ones have gone skiing - diagnosed me with an additional ear infection for which I am taking antibiotics, which in turn have destroyed my intestinal flora and given me a tummy upset. I keep taking Bioflo.rin and my antibiotic keeps on destroying my good bacteria as well as the bad stuff. Oh well, only two days of antibiotics left.
So chicken pox is no longer one of my pregnancy fears. I still have parvovirus and toxoplasmosis but chicken pox is ticked off the list. Of course it would have been better to have ticked it off via vaccine, but now I'm almost through it, ticked off is fine.
I'm going back to work next week instead of this week as I am allowed to spend more some time recovering. Beanie's nanny starts properly tomorrow anyway.
Beanie has recovered well from his chicken pox. Overnight he went from creeping around occasionally to creeping around everywhere, hauling himself inefficiently but effectively by his arms. No more parking him on the rug whilst I pop to the kitchen to do something. We've already started baby-proofing the apartment, a job which needs a rush-finish now
My birthday was a bit of a washout and DH's, which is on Boxing Day, was the same as he had to look after Beanie all day apart from when he went out to lunch on his own. He's done very well actually and has spent a lot of time looking after him. My mum spent the time recovering from flu and sinusitis, on antibiotics of her own. She left on New Year's Day.
I did finally manage to get to V and A's lake on my birthday, which was the only thing I really wanted to do anyway. Beanie's hair is so soft - I so wish I could ruffle V's hair as well. Just before Christmas I saw a little boy in a shop who looked just like an older version of Beanie, and therefore looked just like I imagine V would be looking now had he lived. He took my breath away for a few seconds.