I made something!

[photo removed]

Beanie and Coccinelle today. Did I tell you I actually managed to complete a knitting project? I made Coccinelle's "shrug". Yay me! She spit up all over it shortly after this picture was taken.

School

I supplemented with formula today for the first time. Coccinelle is 4 months old and my milk seems to be drying up. I had her weighed yesterday and she has slipped down a growth curve. Now I'm supplementing I'm expecting what little of my milk is left to vanish. I'm a bit disappointed but I'll get over it. I wasn't enjoying the bf as much as I did with Beanie and Coccinelle didn't look like she was enjoying it either.

I've more or less come to terms with the fact that I'm unlikely to have any more children. The pregnancies are too stressful and my marriage isn't strong enough. This means that I feel like getting some "formal" exercise to try and tone at least some of the flab that 3.5 pregnancies in 5 years leaves on your stomach. Formula frees me to do that more easily too.

One thing it's difficult to admit to here is that looking after small children is quite hard. Having dead babies doesn't automatically make you into a wonderful parent that never threatens to take her son's favourite teddy bear out of bed unless he stops banging his head like a hammer against his headboard and risk waking up his sister and killing off brain cells. (The threat works like a charm).

I can't think every second of the day about how grateful I am to have two beautiful, healthy, living children. Even though on a macro scale of course I know it's true. I mean, V would have started school this week. I am so lucky to have had Beanie and Coccinelle.

I'm coming close to retiring this blog.