The OB called today with some of my blood results. Remember I got my thyroid checked in December because my neck was swollen and it turned out to be normal? Well the OB checked it again as she also thought my neck was swollen when I saw her on Monday. And this time it's not normal. She dictated me the name of the medicine over the phone and told me I had to go and get it straight away and start tomorrow morning.
I told her that soon I would be like one of those little old ladies with a compartmentalised pill box, one compartment for each day of the week. I take my prenatal vitamin, my baby aspirin and from tomorrow my thyroxin every morning and smear anti-fungal cream on my outer bits twice a day. It's starting to get a bit depressing.
It does explain why I've been feeling a bit slow and tired recently. I've been working long days, in early stages of pregnancy AND my thyroid is underactive. Man, I really deserved that nap I took on Sunday afternoon.
I am not feeling anything for this little embryo. It's like I've already decided it's not going to make it. I have an ultrasound picture in my wallet and had forgotten it was there. Not like the u/s I gazed at with Moksha. I don't spend my time gripped in fear, I just don't think about it at all. I am probably going to need some sort of psychological help in order to bond properly with this baby.
6 years ago
8 comments:
Oh Rosepetal,
SO SO SO SO sorry i wasnt around when you got your BFP. If I say I kinda guessed, would you believe me :)
I hate saying congrats unless all the checks have been done, but I'm rooting for you. And if it makes any diff, I'd feel the same about bonding with my foetus, its so hard for us to do, but I do think its normal, for now.
Sorry again I missed it, damn :(
Gros Bisous et plein courage XXX
Ugh...the pills, the meds, the dooctors...all of it... I realized the other day that my life is revolving around when I have to take what, when I have to call the pharmacy because I'm almost out or I'm having nightmares about forgetting to take something. It's crazy.
I get the detachment. I keep saying there will come a time when I'll be fine with committing. I don't know when that will be.
A day at a time...
I think a little ambivalence (that is caused by fear, no doubt) is pretty normal at this point. Don't worry, if it takes a while to bond that is totally normal - you are doing this after a pretty horrifying first experience.
And I laugh at the idea of you as a pill-popper - that was me with all the extra supplements that I was on (prenatal vitamin, extra calcium, extra iron...).
Sorry about the hypothyroidism - the last thing you need is to have LESS energy.
LOL....pill popper here too! Though not as much as some...I hope the meds work and you feel a *little* more energy soon. Thyroid or not, naps are good. Naps are great...
And i totally get the detachment too. Sometimes it is easier not to think about what is going on, or what might happen....it is a very reasonable way of coping. And that comment is meant for more than sub pregnancy...
I am so scared about getting pg again for just that reason. Incase I cant bond.
I have already set some major rules about our next bub, if it ever happens.
1 - NO pram until bub is born
2 - NO cot until bub is home. (S was 99% finished building Zak's cot when I had him. It just has to be put together and stained) Our next bub will be sleeping in a washing basket until about a month after he/she is born. AND I'M NOT KIDDING.
3 - NOT one this will be brought before bub is born and the whole pg will not be discussed AT ALL!
Now that I have written that I see just how unhealthy that is. Oh well.
So while I don't know how you feel. I'm scared of feeling like you are now.
Hugs hugs to you
xxx
Yesterday I scheduled an ultrasound for three weeks from now. This morning I decided to just proceed until that ultrasound assuming that there will be a dead baby there. So I know what you mean. Maybe it's unavoidable at this point.
I felt that too especially at the very beginning. When my first sug pg failed it really helped. I thought I had maintained a similar level of detatchment with Caitlin but when the 17 week scan was bad, I fell apart.
Point being, the bonding can happen subconsciously until you are ready to jump in. So try not to worry about that on top of everything else just for now:)
Hope the new meds get you feeling better!
A million ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))). I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much right now and I hope you feel better (and have more energy!) very soon.
I've often wondered how I'll feel if I ever get pregnant again, and I've also wondered if I'll need a little additional help to cope with the gamut of emotions you must be feeling. I imagine feeling that way is pretty normal after everything you've been through.
Just get well. One step at a time, right?
(((((HUGS))))
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