Two weeks at home

I am back home now and have taken my last flight for this pregnancy. I also succumbed into purchasing a Doppler (not available here but got one in the UK) and started my kick-count charts yesterday. I am going to try and use the Doppler for panic mode only and don't use it systematically every day.

It's my 35th birthday on 3rd January. (I share my birthday with Natan's). I'm working a half day and at 12pm have to take my glucose for the gestational diabetes test at my appointment at 1pm. It did cross my mind that an appointment on my birthday might not be the best idea in case of bad news but I'm feeling okay about it now.

I first got pregnant when I was 32 and utterly innocent about obstetric tragedies. I didn't dream that at 35 I would still be waiting to bring my live baby home.

I spent Christmas with my brother, SIL, niece and nephew (who is 1 year old). It was tough, also because I had a tendency to view them as germ-ridden hives of potential foetus-killing infections. I washed my hands a lot and didn't pick either of them up. I got stressed about the cloths used to wipe their mouths lying around on the kitchen surfaces, about my niece's elephant security blanket being put on the radiator with the clean tea-towels, about bottles not being washed up promptly, pacifiers being left on the table and my nephew putting all the living room coasters in his mouth. (Note: I'm fully aware that this is what small kids do - didn't stop me being stressed about contracting parvovirus or chicken pox whilst pregnant).

In fact I spent as little time as possible with my nephew. He is now pulling himself up to standing and this brought home clearly how V, at 5 months older, would have been running around everywhere causing havoc by now. He also screamed a lot at night, most likely due to jet-lag and separation anxiety (he would scream for ages, his parents were trying to get him to go cold turkey since he apparently sleeps fine at home, but if they went in to see him he would stop screaming immediately). Earplugs helped me.....

My niece, 3 years old, is very well-behaved and quite smart. Her parents seem to have done a pretty good job with her so far (she is sent to the naughty step à la Supe.rnan.ny quite quickly if she misbehaves at home).

All this notwithstanding, I was fairly glad to leave the house after two weeks, except for leaving my mum. She dropped us off at the airport and I had a flash, for which I was totally unprepared, of the equivalent last year, which turned out to be the last time I ever saw my Dad alive.

Whilst my mum is happy to have grandchildren and company, my brother can sometimes be a bit of a selfish git (a big exception was the way he came over from the US, pretty much for a weekend, so that he could participate in V's goodbye ceremony and how he called me very often after that). He does have a slight tendency to let everyone else do things for him whilst he only does stuff for himself. He is an actively involved father though. My SIL's time is fully taken up with looking after the two kids. So my mum is cleaning up regularly after everyone and cooking meals. She got quite cross with me if I lifted anything so I didn't help much with the vacuuming...

I hope she will come to visit us in February since I can't go and visit her for a while (I hope).

DH has been wonderfully supportive for months now and we are pretty loved up in general. One thing to be very grateful for.

I wish all those reading this a 2008 free from tragedy, sadness and despair.