I'm feeling quite panicked and alone right now. I have so many appointments and check-ups. My husband can't keep up with the appointments and it's getting to him too. He's very busy at work and he has come to most of my appointments with me up to now but there are just too many now.
Tomorrow I'm going to hospital for two days and one night for the steroid shots. The monitoring I had done on Sunday morning was fine, but I'm still feeling panicked. It's a different type of feeling - I'm feeling panicked about everything, the amount of sick leave I've had from work over the last two years, this stupid diet I'm on even though I don't have gestational diabetes. I just don't have enough ideas for meals that are half vegetables, one quarter protein and one quarter carbs. I can't manage all my snacks at the right time. I'm just feeling anxious and panicked and it's a feeling that is spreading into all areas of my life.
I'm worried about switching to heparin. I don't want a massive allergic reaction to contaminated heparin whilst pregnant. I don't want a C-section under general anaesthetic. I don't want an induced labour with a nuchal cord. I don't want to stop taking the aspirin. I feel quite trapped and I'm feeling very overwhelmed by the choices and responsibility of getting Beanie out alive.
(Please don't anyone comment that everything will be fine).
6 years ago
23 comments:
I wont say anything else than here's a hug, thinking of you and hoping it all goes well HUGS
Rosepetal, try and take a step back and take some pressure off yourself. I went through the same anxieties and overwhelming feelings a couple weeks ago, my husband is great at helping me put these things in perspective.
I don't think there is any way that mothers like you and me will ever be able to manage pregnancies without floods of worries, but I do believe we have to curve them for the sake of our sanity and our babies. I try to focus on "best" case and not "worse" case scenarios.
I also am on 81mg of baby aspirin per day and asked my OB about having to discontinue, after reading your post. He told me it is a none issue and all we would do is discontinue the day before. I was wondering why you have to stop yours and if you knew where I can find articles on this? Also, I have gestational D. I started out following the diet well and my numbers were consistantly low, so I slacked off some.(Been a tiny high at fasting this week, but they say they still look good)I'll tell you what I found was the snacking was the important part, just don't let your stomach go long periods without food and then throw something down. That is what causes the blood sugar to surge suddenly.
My thoughts are with you while you stay at the hospital the next couple days. Remember to breathe and give yourself some slack. Okay?
Samantha, stopping the aspirin is only to allow the option of an epidural or spinal block in case of a C-section. Some anaesthetists are okay giving epidurals when under aspirin. It depends on the protocol of the hospital you are going to.
But since epidurals are given in the spinal fluid space, and the anaesthetist is effectively working blind in that space, a mistake whilst taking an anticoagulant can cause extra bleeding and therefore swelling in the spinal cord space, which in turn could lead to spinal cord damage.
Aspirin acts differently from heparin and takes ten days to be completely out of your system, Heparin can be stopped the day before delivery.
So it's not essential to switch to give birth, except if I end up having a C-section, it may have to be under general anaesthetic.
Samantha - forgot to say thanks for the tips on snacks.
Nothing more than a hug from me either and just know I'm thinking about you often. I can not imagine how hard this is right now. Hang in there.
((((rosepetal))))
Oh and about the sick leave at work. sod it, not important at all, you just do what you need to do right now.
Offering hugs and that the next few weeks fly by and Beanie is here safe in your arms in no time!
I am thinking of you and wishing good things for you. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. You are in my thoughts daily.
Rosepetal,
Thats the thing...I will be having a c-section, at 37 weeks. Which will require a spinal or epidural, so that is why I was curious when I read your situation.
I had general anaestetic, because it being an emergency, last time. So the spinal/epi is new to me. But, when I asked my Dr. about the aspirin he said that low of a dose really only take about a day to clear the system anyways and that they really don't have issues anymore with "the blind space". I wanna take his word for it, but would like more info at the same time.
Then my husband's advise rings in my ears.... Try and stick to the facts of what we know to be true with our baby today, don't go borrowing trouble....the "what ifs" will drive us mad.Take it one step at a time.
RP, Sorry if I sound too "cheerleaderish", I just wish I could take these worries and thoughts away for you 9and all of us here0 - that the kind of loss and heartache we have experienced would never inflict another soul.
hugs
Just here to send some hugs. I think of you often and truly truly hope you and Beanie make it out okay.
Just sending(((hugs))))from here too.
I would be surprised if you *weren't* panicked & anxiety-stricken at this point. I mean, jeez. I don't have any advice about it, either. Unless you can get a mental 'break' by watching some mindless TV or something, but i don't know if that works for you. Probably not.
Will dh be able to stay with you in the hospital? I am sure they will look after you well but i hope you also get some compassionate nurses...thinking of you!
I was on Lovenox my second pregnancy. Doc planned to have me stop it 48 hours before the c-section. Is Lovenox an option for you? I understand the panic. I ended up hospitalized 10 days before my second daughter was born -- at 33 weeks. First daughter was stillborn at 38 weeks. I did not believe my second daughter would live until she came out crying. She is almost 2 now. I hope this is over for you soon.
Just remember that you have (what sounds like) an amazing team of doctors taking care of you and monitoring you and Beanie very, very closely. It's probably the most typical thing in the world for you to panic right now - because everything is out of your hands. But it sounds like everything that can be done is being done. So try to get some rest, maybe?
Thinking of you and your DH and your Beanie.
I hope your hospital stay has/is going well... (I think you're there tonight... tuesday).
I hope getting the steroid shots behind you will take one thing off of your plate to worry about.
You have every right to panic... this is a scary time. All I can say is that I hope sometimes you can take a deep breath and let go of some of the panic (even though I know it will return soon). One foot in front of the other, literally and figuratively, that's about all you can do. Time will pull you forward and you won't be stuck in this hard place for too long.
Many hugs
I am sending you hugs Rosepetal.
HUGS HUGS HUGS!
I am sorry to not have been around in the last little while. I hope you are feeling better today with the shots and an overnight hospital stay.
Can I tell you something? I had previa with Monkey and every time I ended up in the hospital, couldn't wait to go home. They let me go because I live close by and am a conscientious patient. You better believe that I would never ask to go home in similar circumstances now. I am more comfortable home, but I would be more reassured in the hospital.
best of luck to you in these next difficult weeks.
I agree - this is the most normal (and horrible) sensation. Anyone who has gotten to the end of a "perfectly normal" pregnancy and went home with a memory box instead of a baby... well, we are a different group, with different anxieties and different levels of panic.
I hope that you can find some activity that will help you pass the time by distracting you. A few more days and the path will open up in front of you. What you need to do will become apparent. At least it did in our case.
Take care. Thinking of you. Hoping all is well with your hospital stay - update us when you can.
Rosepetal,
I hope your hospital stay is going ok. I hope you are being well taken care of. I am sure the monitoring is reassuring. Hugs to you.......take care:)
Lots and lots of hugs.
christ how terrifying. how you are holding it together at all is beyond me. umm... this too shall pass? this too shall pass. this too shall pass. hang in there darlin'.
sending huge hugs your way.
Just a big (((HUG))) from me, and the promise that I'm going to keep hoping and praying for your Beanie and you.
No advice at all, just sending you strength and peace and so much luck.
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