Brother vs BIL

If things continue the way they are for another month which is quite likely, then my brother, who lives on another continent, will meet Beanie before my BIL, who lives half an hour away. My brother and SIL are taking his precious US-lite holiday allowance to come to meet Beanie, making a transatlantic trip with two small children and spending money to stay close by (as I can't put them all up) when the dollar is at an all time low. My BIL works a very light schedule as far as I understand from my MIL and FIL and wouldn't even have to take holiday to see Beanie.

My BIL is the one who told me that Moksha's death came at an "inconvenient time" for him which managed to shock even my psychiatrist. It's something I will never be able to forgive him for. He has not been in touch with us at all for almost two years so he probably doesn't even know I can't forgive him. Except for the time when Beanie was born and he sent an SMS the day after saying "Congratulations! I'm coming this evening." I told DH that my BIL was NOT a person I wanted to see the day after giving birth to Beanie. I wanted to share no such precious moment with him.

So DH told him that there were lots of visitors already and I needed to rest which was also conveniently true. And surely most people would say, "Is it okay if I come this evening?" when it's the day after the birth, no? Unless they were very close to you. I would, anyway. I thought that at that particular moment, it was my prerogative to feel like that.

After that, nothing. As far as I know he has not even seen or asked to see a picture of Beanie or ever asked how he's doing or called DH since that SMS. He has made it abundantly clear that family ties are not important to him. We are no more important to him than a random guy on the street. I don't think he even knows about A.

I don't want to deprive Beanie of an uncle, even a crappy one, so I've told DH that he can take Beanie to meet his brother whenever he wants, just that I won't be there. I think the next time I see my BIL I won't even be able to bring myself to faire la bise* which should get the message across as it would be very rude of me.


* Here it's twice. It's not a custom I particularly like, especially as women have to do it to other men and other women. It takes half an hour to leave any sort of gathering as you have to go round kissing everyone, even on hot sweaty days. Yuck. Funnily, leaving a party without doing this properly is known as "filer à l'anglaise" - slipping out the English way. It's not a compliment - it's considered rude.
Updated to say - I meant to type here it's three kisses not two! Doh!