This is so long that I've split it into two parts.
I got married in May 2005 to my DH (erm... obviously) whom I met in 1999. We had planned a trip to India in October 2005 and we had already decided that when we got back we would start trying for our first baby. We did, the day after we got home. I didn't like my job very much but the pay was pretty good and it certainly wasn't the right time for me to switch - it's at a large multinational with good maternity policies. I was prepared to keep trying for up to a year and stick the job out since my life priorities were about to change anyway.
Well, bingo! I got pregnant almost on the first unprotected try! I was a bit surprised since I didn't even think I was ovulating at the time but my cycle may have been delayed due to the travelling. People joked that with my love of things being organised, the baby didn't dare not come when planned.
My pregnancy coasted along - no morning sickness, just mildish nausea in the 1st trimester, no spotting, no scares of any kind. Got through all the standard tests with the desired results. DH nicknamed our baby Pumpum after the strong heartbeat we had heard in one of the early ultrasounds. I felt Pumpum moving in February 2006 - I didn't realise what it was at the time. It was amazing to feel those first kicks; little did I realise how big the ones that were to come later would be! When I read a book or a magazine and rested it lightly on my ever growing belly, Pumpum would kick it out of the way - the whole magazine would jump. Towards the end, during the July heatwave we had in Europe, I got swollen legs and feet and felt generally knackered, but there's nothing unusual about that in late 3rd trimester.
Meanwhile, from January to July, about 1 million people we knew had babies. I was last on the list of due dates. We traipsed in and out of maternity units visiting new mothers with their new babies. I looked forward to having my baby in my arms - seeing the others made the whole thing seem more real.
I did get rather irritable, especially when I stopped working in the last weeks and was utterly bored at home and confess to yelling at DH on several occasions for no good reason. I was carrying so far in front it was hard to walk, hard to sleep, and it was too damn hot.
I live in a country where healthcare insurance is expensive but got me many ultrasound checks in addition to the standard ones where measurements are taken. We wanted the sex of our baby to be a surprise and so asked not to know. Everyone except my DH but including me thought it would be a boy. DH was thinking a girl. We picked out names for both. DH came to so many appointments with me. He's a fantastic, caring, sensitive man. I'm so glad he came and saw our Pumpum on the screen, moving around.
I read many books (I'd started with a book on conception, then a few on pregnancy, and in the last weeks bought a couple on baby's first year) and felt pretty knowledgable and informed. We attended antenatal classes, a class on looking after a newborn and even a short class on the effect of a baby on a couple relationship! My parents came over the weekend in June and my mum filled the freezer with food for afterwards when I wouldn't have time to do anything. My Dad and DH put together the nursery. My Mum had made a beautiful quilted wall hanging with matching curtains. The cupboard filled with clothes - ones that we bought, ones we were given by grandparents, my brother and SIL and by friends. Everything was ready - remember what I said about liking to be organised?
At the one of the last appointments with my OB before my due date, my DH and I saw our baby open his eyes on the ultrasound. I was amazed and couldn't wait to meet Pumpum. We made another appointment for one day after my due date and I joked with the OB about hoping I would have to cancel it.
Due date came and went and I turned up at the last appointment, this time with my mother who had already come over to help. In fact she timed her whole retirement so that she could spend time with us around the birth time, helping and getting to know her second grandchild (I have a niece in the US). Another ultrasound, foetal monitoring - the heart beat was so strong, the assistant came in to turn the sound down. Pumpum's head had descended well and everything was hunkydory except for my cervix showing no interest in impending birth.
The OB said if I really couldn't bear the heat and weight anymore we could induce almost immediately but due to the lack of effacement and dilation, and the fact that Pumpum, the placenta and the level of amniotic fluid were all fine, she would prefer to wait a few more days to see what happened. I said I could handle it if I had an end date in sight. We agreed that whatever happened, I would be induced that weekend at 40 weeks + 5 days. I was excited and apprehensive at the same time - reading lots of books is one thing but actually go through L&D is another. To tell the truth I was a little bit scared of the pain and of the potential episiotomy. Whilst absolutely sure I would give it a good try, I felt a little ambivalent about breast-feeding. I worried that I hadn't completed an infant CPR course (not at all standard where I live). The pediatrician I had chosen was leaving on holiday the next week and would be back the week that Pumpum should have his one month check-up. I made the appointment on the Friday morning and told the receptionist that I was being induced the next day.
At no point whatsoever did I ever contemplate that I would not have my much desired and highly anticipated baby crying in my arms that weekend. My DH has always said I'm a bit of a worryer by nature. I had said to myself several times - millions of women have babies all over the world with little or no access to medical care and it works! I really believed it - I really had faith in Mother Nature not screwing up. At least not with me. In fact since getting past the 5 month morphology check, I hadn't ever thought about any sort of problem happening. I didn't know anyone who had had lost a baby after the 1st trimester.
Read Moksha's story part II
6 years ago
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