Reason has prevailed

OK now I am seriously thinking of ditching Blogger. Once again an entire post has vanished. It happens when I scroll to the top. Maybe I will type all my posts in a Word document from now on and then copy paste them into here. So let me begin again.

Reason has prevailed concerning the house buying. I won’t tell you all the reasons we finally agreed as that would be like preaching to the converted. The last reason I gave is that we have to keep having s*x in order to make a baby and neither of us can really force it to that extent, when we have animosity about something so big. Another reason was we are both starting new job roles imminently. Let’s take one major change at a time, eh?

We will keep viewing houses, and if we do happen to see one that we both agree on that ticks a lot of the boxes for both of us – see? I know that not all the boxes are likely to be ticked - then we will consider buying it, but only if we’re both really into the whole idea.

DH has not yet admitted that he was bullying me a bit but it's okay; just like I am not superwoman, he is not superman. He has also lost a son and one of his main ways of coping is to look at the future with optimism and to see good things in it. He saw that house, and I think the actual act of buying it, as one of these good things. As a sign of my forgiveness for the bullying I have done the 2-3 day-old washing up in the kitchen that we were both passively refusing to do. (That was a semi-joke). Plus if I get pregnant, I would like the surroundings to be vaguely salubrious.

I spoke to my OB yesterday and she said that 100 mg of aspirin per day are not going to anti-coagulate me to the extent that my chances of getting pg are affected. Yes, if I had a nosebleed, it might bleed for longer because of the aspirin, but it’s not going to cause the nosebleed. Which I sort of knew but it’s better to hear her say it. She also said I am not old and after two months there is not a problem. Which didn’t really comfort me that much whether it is true or not.

It has finally snowed and there is a semblance of winter. I saw my first robin of the season on the balcony just a few minutes ago. I love robins. I wonder if Moksha sent it to say hello. Today is 6 months since my due date. 6 months ago Moksha was alive and well. 6 months ago tomorrow I had a check up and saw him open his eyes on the ultrasound. It was the last time I saw him alive. Monday is Moksha’s 6 month birthday. I have a triangle of muscle between my neck and shoulders which is permanently taut like a drum and actually quite painful. It is definitely high-stress related. The last – and only – time this happened was when DH and I nearly split up (before we got married).

Please, please let me get pregnant soon and let me have another child. I don’t even know who I’m asking.