I'm not doing very well here. Usually I have ups and downs but I have been down for more or less a week - well, since AF arrived. I can't say it's PMS, because, well duh, I don't have that at this moment. I think it is all to do with the fact that the closeness DH and I had has not been felt this week, that we had a fight about the house, even though we're not fighting about it anymore, but most of all, it's V.'s 6 months coming up.
6 months. My niece was 5-6 months old when we got married, and I spent two weeks with her at that time. So I know what a 5-6 month old is like. She was great fun, she was sitting up. She stared at an orange in wonder and tried to open her little mouth wide so she could get it in. She wasn't into touching things with her hands, only with her mouth. She laughed. She started rolling over for the first time. She was the centre of attention.
Dear V. You were so handsome. You had such big eyes. You looked mostly like Daddy. Your skin was so soft. I miss you so much. Do you know how much? Do you know how sorry I am? I wish you were here, laughing and trying to get an orange in your mouth. Wearing the red winter outfit we got in the summer sale. It says "Guide de montagne" on it. Right now would be your first snowfall. You would be old enough to look in bewilderment at it. Why has the world gone all white? I would see the confusion in your eyes.
I am finding this very hard all of a sudden. I feel so isolated and alone. I have no confidence in the future.
6 years ago
10 comments:
Thinking of you and sending you ((((((hugs))))))...you will get through these days, i know you will.
6 months is very difficult...i remember well.
How can the most common human experience be the lonliest? But it is and am so sorry that you feel so isolated on top of the anguish of this awful milestone. (((hugs)))
Dont give up sweetie! You still have hope. its hard at anytime. You'll get through it.
Thinking of you :)
Oh, my heart breaks for you. I remember 6 months is very tough. The whole 1st year is agony. I'm so sorry the house hunting fight has made this so much worse for you.
Oh rosepetal I am crying for you. The tears are falling on the keyboard as I type. I know how alone you feel and I understand why you have confidence in the future. At the moment all you feel is pain, despair and emptiness. I wish soooooo much I could change that for you and bring Moksha back. It breaks my heart that you have to experience this anguish. It is just so fucking wrong - it makes me want to scream!! The times like this will become less raw, not that that knowledge helps you now. I now it doesn't. Please know that we are here for you and do understand the anguish inside you. I am so sorry and I am sending you big (((hugs))).
It's been almost 3.5 years here. Someone recently asked me how long it took me to get over it. I told them, "I'll let you know if and when it happens". Duh.
Hugs.....
6 months is really hard. I don't know why, but you can see that everyone agrees.
Take care; you can get past this milestone, though with much difficulty.
Much love to you.
oh ughh that sounds TRULY and completely miserable. a strained relationship and hormones to add to the hopelessness. sounds like a bona fide funk. understatement probably.
how to go on without your baby when the hope of another one is so intangible? a friend gave me some advice just today about how she just needs to be able to get through today and she tries not to think further beyond that because it is too overwhelming. i never do that. i always go for the biggest and scariest shit possible and everything terrifying in between. her way sounds a little easier.
I am thinking of you. I am sorry you feel so alone. I really wish there was more I could do then just write words to you. ((HUGS))
Thinking of you so much rosepetal and also wishing there was something, anything, I could do besides send you (((hugs))). I know how much you are suffering. But we are all thinking of you sweetie.
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