8 months

Hello V.,

So I didn't write to you on your 8 month birthday like I've tried to on all the other anniversaries. I suppose I don't know what to say anymore. I don't know you very well. We had so little time together. Right now it feels like you are getting further and further away and that there is nothing I can do to keep you close. It makes me feel sad and guilty.

Your Daddy and I will always remember you and we will always love you. That isn't the question. It's so difficult when we are in entirely different worlds for us to remain close. We have memories and a few pictures.

Daddy and I released a balloon for you on the 29th March. There was no wind so it drifted away slowly towards the Alps. We watched it for a long while. Daddy said something about it lingering just to say goodbye before the winds higher up caught it. For the first time I didn't cry when we let it go. I think I have a tendency now to cry out of self-pity rather than for you my love, which I don't like.

Your bench should be in place sometime soon. We still have to get the little plaque ready. It will be in the village where Daddy grew up and where your grandparents still live, looking towards the lake.

I hope that now I have one day off work a week, I will be able to spend more time thinking about you and developing our relationship. I think that's what happened, when I went back to work fulltime I had no time to think about you anymore and in the evenings I was tired. So I'm sorry about that, but I hope I've fixed it.

lots of love my little sweetpea.
Mummy