Yesterday I turned up for my third OB appointment, scheduled for a quick check to see if the foetus was still alive. I was rushed in and my OB said quick, get in the little room as they just told me they're going to cut the power. But I only had a chance to step behind the curtain when the power went off. She told me to come back today and she came in early for us.
Last night the endocrinologist called me with my thyroid blood test results. I am back in the normal range of TSH. He will check again in two weeks but for now I stay on the same dosage of thyroxine. So that is somewhat of a relief. It was tested in Jan, fine then out of whack in March. But it wasn't so out of whack that it affected my fertility. Now I am feeling a little less negative about that. He did say that basically he expects my thyroid gland to just die. On the neck ultrasound, the thyroid gland is supposed to be a grey mass, where mine was a black mass. Oh well, maybe there’s a rule that says that only one thing can die at a time in my body? Let’s hope so.
This morning we showed up again at the OB's office. This time there was power, and the foetus (9w6days) was waving his/her stumpy limbs around. My jelly belly is slightly more firm and rounded, although I don't show to the untrained eye.
I still haven't got rid of my crappy fungal infection though. I can't bring myself to type (or say) b-a-b-y instead of foetus. I'm experiencing all the head vs heart stuff again. I know with my head that this foetus has no baggage to bring into the world, that s/he is not responsible for what happened in the past, that s/he is not Moksha.
It still doesn't mean that I'm spending more time thinking about what's actually happening, nor entertaining any possibility that this could end in a live baby. As I told the OB, the concept of a pregnancy of mine ending in a live baby has become completely alien to me.
The next check is the big nuchal fold, trisomies analysis etc. 20th April.
6 years ago
6 comments:
Great to read all is going well.
Hugs
xxx
Glad the news is good:)Hoping you make it through to the 20th relatively unscathed. These are some long days, aren't they?
Good news on the pregnancy-front, not so great on the thyroid front... I can relate to the pregnancy-disconnect, you are totally normal there. It will come with time. Try not to thing of the future, just set yourself some manageable milestones to look forward to, like Fridays, or something.
As far as the thyroid is concerned, my friend has been without hers for years after cancer, and continues to be quite healthy without it. I hope that if the news is really that bad about your thyroid, that you will also be so healthy without it.
Glad it is good news. I like delphi's idea about the milestones lol. Fridays, hee hee hee.
Seriously, a good long thick book does wonders. I am currently reading the Count of Monte Cristo...you can't really go too far wrong with Dumas...
Very normal to feel all that, and its good that you understand it isn't the ___'s fault.
I'm sure that when the ____'s born, all your emotions and doubts will fall into place.
HUGS
Glad that your u/s showed all is well. And getting connected with the baby will come later. I was over half way though my pregnancy when I finally connected and could have some hope and dreams for my child. You will get there. Big ((Hugs)) to you.
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