Strange how 24 hours can change a lot of things. I guess I already knew that from past experience.
We have more or less decided to not have the CVS but to wait for the amniocentesis.
I have always said that if it had been a choice between Moksha's life and mine, I would have given mine so that he could have had his. It wasn't a choice and in fact my (physical) life was never in danger.
So if that is really true, I can give this baby another 2 weeks in order to have a less risky, more precise procedure and another 2 weeks after that to get the results. Let's be clear, amnio is not without risks. But there are less risks than with CVS. The fact that it will be difficult for me to carry on without knowing will be hard but I am this baby's mother and that is my duty. It's true that over the last 24 hours I have been guilty of already having written off the baby under the guise of preparing myself for the worst. Since I was already not feeling particularly attached to him/her to start with given my past experience with Moksha.
Waiting for the amnio also gives us more time to see if the nuchal fold measurement will resolve itself over the next couple of weeks. Maybe it will be possible to see better if the heart is really okay or has malformations (I read somewhere that 50% of Trisomy 21 babies have heart defects).
After reading Laura's comment and speaking to my SIL, it seems that in the US nuchal fold measurements are not done until 18-20 weeks. B and SIL's neighbour had a poor nuchal fold measurement which resolved itself in a week, but this was at 20 weeks and not 13 weeks. If I have to have the CVS before next Wednesday then this gives no time at all to see if any improvement can be made before risking a miscarriage.
We have also decided that if the outcome is bad we will have a termination and I will give birth to my second dead baby in less than a year, except for this one I will have chosen his/her death myself. I could look after a child but what about an adult? Who will look after him/her in 30 years time when I am 64? In 40 years time? When I am dead (I may be dead before 30 or 40 years are up)? Will s/he be exploited and abused when I am not there or not able to protect him or her?
So the main question I will have for my OB tomorrow morning is: will a termination at 17 weeks mean much more suffering for the baby? S/he will be more neurologically developed, will it mean s/he will feel more pain and fear? What if s/he doesn't die during labour? Is that more of a possibility at 17 weeks then at 14 weeks?
6 years ago
7 comments:
I'm glad you're going with the amnio. CVS sounds quite scary, even if it makes sense in some situations.
I think, although I'm no doctor, that a 17 weeker cannot feel pain, that the receptors are there by 7 weeks, yes (thus giving people who are against abortion their argument), but that they aren't yet connected to the cortex.
I'm so hoping for you that the measurement will resolve itself. But we here in blogland are here for you in any case.
I am sorry you're even having to contemplate these issues. I hope that the nuchal fold will resolve and that your amnio will show a perfectly healthy baby. Stick with your choice and be confident. You need to do what is right for you and your family. (((hugs)))
I think you've made a good decision to wait for the amnio. I'm so sorry that you have to go through the mental process of disassociating yourself, just in case things don't work out. But I'm hopeful that they will.
You sound confident in your decision for amnio (sounds like how I would choose, too). I am here to support whatever choices you make. I am still hoping and praying that the nuchal measurement resolves soon.
I haven't got anything helpful to say...it sounds like you have thought it all through, and i hope that the amnio will show a perfectly healthy baby. I have been thinking about you all weekend...and wishing you did not have to confront these issues... ((((((hugs)))))))
Oh shit! I have been offline all weekend and just came in this morning and saw this. :(
I don't know what I have mentioned about my loss after Ian. But when we went in at 12-13 weeks to have the nuchal fold test and level 2 u/s they found, not only the extra thickness, but alos the appearance of excessive fluid on the head and abdomen. We opted to have the CVS. Two weeks later we found out there was Trisomy 21. My doctor was very unoptomistic about the chances of carrying to term. The fluid on the abdomen pointed towards heart issues. That along with the fluid on the head, not to mention Downs....well, we were told we needed to make a decision. Soon.
I won't hijack your blog to tell my story. But I can truly empathize with what you are going through. Shit. Fuck. Damn.
I still only have 2 living children so you know how my story ends.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Connie
I am going to jump out on a limb and say, "It aint over til it's over." Please don't give up hope that your baby is just fine. My baby had all sorts of problems - two-vessel cord, nuchal fold was thick, omphalocele, low amniotic fluid (usually a sign of down's), and lots of other anomolies. She's now 2 years old and just fine. If you ever need to talk - pipsersmom@gmail.com.
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