Violence

I stumbled across this woman's blog and I was amazed at how much she has been through. I think I've been through a fair amount in the last year, but she has dealt with brutal rape and attempted murder in her own home, bomb blast on the Underground and now stalking. In her writing she comes across as a positive person and her relationship seems to have survived all of this crap.

None of what has happened to me has been violent. V. died silently and as far as I know not violently; Dad died, probably within a few seconds, of a unexpected heart attack followed by heart rupture (had it happened in hospital it would have been impossible to resucitate him) and A., well I made the choice to end his life but I don't think it was violent for him or for me. In fact the term.ina.tion by induced labour for A. seems to me to have been the gentlest thing to do, given the choices. The least of all the evils.

I think if I were to suffer an act of violence, gratuitous or otherwise, on my person, that really would finish me off for good.

This may sound a bit "duh", but if the term.in.ation or my father's death had happened separately, I do think I would have coped better. I think I was managing to put my life back together after V. died. I had moved my career on to something else, managed to get my 80% working arrangement, was pregnant again, and now I am destroyed again, twice over.

I am thinking more about my Dad than about V. or A. at the moment. I guess I don't blog a lot about him because I don't need to write him down to make him seem real like I do with V. and A.

This story is really horrific.