We had lunch with friends on Sunday, in fact the wonderful Couple A. The next day we got an email from them:
"Just to say we were really happy to see you on Sunday and spend time in your company.
After you had left, E [their 31/2 year old] asked us "why was [Rosepetal] laughing all the time?" Aside from the answer we gave to E, we find it fantastic that in the innocent eyes of a toddler, you are once again giving an image of happiness."
DH's response, which I pretty much agree with:
"If that is the impression we give, then it is indeed good news. Although we are still in the middle of sticking pieces back together, it is true that we're building our happiness in small daily steps; rather than aspiring to happiness as a destination, we're trying to make the most of the trip. We also enjoyed spending time with you as we know we can be ourselves in moments of happiness and sadness."
There - it's that last part. With them I can be myself as they have acknowledged our pain and sorrow many times and shared some of it with us. During the lunch I had some sad moments when I spoke about how I find it very difficult to imagine me and Beanie could both come out of this pregnancy alive and well. I felt free to shed tears as I spoke. But the key is that I felt like I could be myself, and it so happened that myself on Sunday was pretty happy for the majority of the time and I didn't feel like I had to temper my laughs (or my tears).
I don't feel like I can be myself with many people and so basically don't see them anymore.
6 years ago
7 comments:
It's sad but understandable that you feel so divided. I'm so glad you have Couple A in your life. It must have felt so good to laugh.
Funny how such horrible circumstances can give you perspective...where you didn't even know you needed it. I'm glad you had a good day with your friends.
A relationship that you could be yourself in and you enjoy each others company. What great friends.
It's been a long time since I was the 'real' me in front of others - I find it so hard to let anyone see the extent of my hurt. So glad you have couple A... x
I get that, completely. Our close friends did that for us from the start. Which meant that it was comfortable to laugh when that felt right because we knew they wouldn't check-mark it as "recovered." But it also then made it harder for me to go out to the bigger world because it was nowhere near that comfortable.
I am glad you have couple A, and I am truly sorry not more of your friends are that supportive and that real. Fair weather friends suck.
I am so happy for you that you have couple A and you can express yourself freely with them. And it is good to hear that you were in such good sprits.
I'm not sure that there's really anyone I feel comfortable being myself around. But that probably says more about me than about them.
So, I'm a little envious, but mostly very glad that you have Couple A to share your sorrow and your happiness.
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