Dear V.
Today you would have been 18 months old, most probably running around and being a big handful. How would you have interacted with your younger cousin? Would you have been naughty? Would you be saying your first words? What new things would you be discovering? Would I have appreciated you every day? What kind of mother would I have been to you?
One of your brothers has already come and gone. Your youngest brother is still here. I can't pretend that he wouldn't be here if you were here. It's perfectly reasonable to assume that he would still be on his way if you were still here. I hope he can stay with us for longer than you could.
Life changed so much for Daddy and me 18 months ago. Yesterday we discussed again just how much you looked like him. Your eyes, your lips, your nose - they were all instantly recognisable as Daddy's, even in the face of death. Maybe your hair was mine. I was born with a full head of hair too. Naniji told me that the hospital staff used to come and look at me as they had heard all about the baby with the full head of hair. Only your Naniji and Papi and Mami came to look at you.
I wish you were here V. I love you so much. It pains me that life goes on. I never thought it could. A piece of me died with you, I still feel that very strongly. My poor baby. I wish I had paid more attention. I'm so very sorry that I let you down. The rest of my life will be shaded by the lack of your presence. My beloved firstborn son.
Love Mummy
6 years ago
15 comments:
Oh Rosepetal he is so beautiful, so so beautiful.
I'm lost for words, his photo took my breath away.
Please know I am thinking of you and your beautiful son V.
I'm so sorry he's not here with you too. I don't believe you let him down, but I do know how you feel.
x x x x
he was so beautiful, Rosepetal.
he is such a beautiful boy. thank you for sharing his picture.
oh jesus he is just stunning. he looks like he is sleeping. no wonder your heartbreak is complete and unending. how could such a perfect baby be dead? i bet you wonder that every day. my charlotte was so tiny and not-ready-to-be-alive looking and at 23 weeks she just wasnt ready. i'm in tears here over your beautiful son. thank you so much for sharing his photo. thank god you have the photos. sounds weird to say but when you dont have much everything counts.
Such a beautiful little boy.
He is so beautiful thank you so much for sharing his picture. I am so so sorry he is not here with you. You are always in my thoughts and I wish you nothing but peace durring this time.
((Hugs)) rosepetal.
He is so beautiful, He had hair just like Kensie. What a sweet and handsome face!
I imagine them two hand in hand running through the fields of heaven, playing joyfully with all the other children. Never having to endore the pains of living.These thoughts are what keep me half way sane.
Please sont blame yourself, I cant bear to read it. So sorry you have this reminder.
XXX
I missed the photo :(
On Tuesday we had a sudden thaw & all the snow was gone, so we were outside a bit. I saw V.'s pansies holding on through the winter, around Nicolas' tree, and thought of you and him. I didn't realize it was his 18 month birthday.
They are under snow again now...
Rosepetal,
I came to you via Coggy's blog and I couldn't read this post and not comment. Your pain is palpable. I am so sorry V is not here. Just so very sorry. Thinking of you.
c.
Thank you for sharing your precious photo. Life is so full of those moments for us, isn't it? I wonder about my baby too. How many ways would she have made her father melt? How would I have dressed her for her first Christmas? How she would have marvelled at new sights...birds flying...snow...sounds...so many thoughts. It just f-ings sucks.
Rosepetal, there are really no words, are there? I am so sorry V is not here with you. And I am sorry I missed the photo-- I was wrapped in my own anniversary and haven't been reading much this week.
I'm sorry that I missed your gorgeous boys' photo - thinking of you always.... x
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