Yesterday I had an internal exam after my monitoring session and to my surprise my cervix has softened. Not dilated or particularly effaced but my OB was very pleased and said that we wouldn't even need to use the prostaglandin for cervical ripening at this point but go straight to oxytocin. Starting with at least a softened cervix means that the induction is more likely to be successful.
I have monitoring again today and tomorrow and an ultrasound with the specialist on Friday morning. (Please no nuchal cord which would throw me into another spin). My mother is arriving today as well.
After doing reasonably well last week, I'm now having more frequent moments of panic. I wouldn't say I'm in a constant state of panic but I am very glad to have my home Doppler and am using it more frequently. Kick counts are still ongoing and still okay. My OB has told me I have a "nice" baby as not all babies are so obliging with their movements. Beanie still generally does his ten evening kick counts in ten minutes or less and moves a lot during the CTG monitoring sessions.
I've also started having more frequent flashbacks. After all my only experience of late or full term labour is one where I knew the baby was already dead and one in which I was in shock. In fact I realised in discussion with my OB that I did not even have oxytocin for induction of V's birth. Instead I had a huge dose of prostaglandin (much larger than they would have given me this time around). The contractions started very quickly - within 15 minutes - because of this and because I was already past 40 weeks. When we were discussing this, my husband asked what the reason was to not give that dose again and the explanation is of course that living babies might not be able to tolerate such strong contractions. That hit home quite hard. Babies that are already dead don't need those types of considerations. I had an epidural last time and after that I couldn't feel anything anyway.
I'm still feeling psychologically unprepared for a live baby but every time I even think about "after the birth" it is followed by a "why are you so naive" feeling. I have managed to get as far as realising that Beanie didn't have any warm clothes to leave the hospital with and dug out a little cardigan that was meant to have been V's. Aside from that I'm not convinced I will be able to use the clothes that I had picked out myself for V. And having typed that last sentence, I am now having the "why are you so naive" feeling so I will stop thinking about what Beanie may or may not need after the birth. After all if he is dead he does have something picked just for him to wear and if he is alive we will be so relieved that no problem will be insurmountable.
I have made a half-hearted attempt to pack a hospital bag but so far it only contains:
- administrative documents for registering the birth (which I realised today are incomplete anyway)
- one washed outfit for Beanie in a ziploc plastic bag.
- a pair of stolen hotel slippers which I will throw away after leaving the hospital
- a washed pair of medical support stockings (which I have been wearing every day for weeks and weeks and which I will still have to wear afterwards).
I may be wandering around naked but at least I will have support stockings and slippers dammit.
It will also end up having:
- a charged digital camera
It remains to be seen if any more progress than that on the bag front will be made.
6 years ago
25 comments:
I am in such suspense for you, and begging Whatever is listening to please, please, please let this work out.
Wishing you peace as well.
I wish that I could find the right combination of thoughts and prayers that would make all of this OK and let you see the wonderful possibility in front of you. Since I know that I can't, know that you're in my thoughts and my nightly prayers. Good thoughts coming your way for the next week of monitoring.
I'm in awe of how well you're coping, given the memories you're struggling with on top of everything.
Sending huge ((((((HUGS)))))))) your way, my friend.
Well, that is good news about your cervix! and i am glad that your mom is arriving. Indeed i think you are correct that the arrival of a living healthy baby will mean that the obstacles of what to dress him in will be easily surmounted. (I predict a massive grandmotherly shopping spree happening in the near future...hee hee hee!)
Have you set a definite date for induction? I am glad that Beanie is such a good mover. Go Beanie!
sending you warm thoughts and lots of hugs!!
I am still holding my breath for you. I check back every day to see if you posted because I so want to hear good news. Glad to hear that Beanie is a "good" baby. Maybe that means you will get some sleep after he arrives!
Having been through stillbirth, I can certainly understand the nervous or "naive" feelings -- I get anxious just thinking about it myself.
You have been through so much. I'm delurking to wish all good things for you, your husband and Beanie.
As compared to my limited experience in the realm of subsequent pregnancy - NORMAL, NORMAL, NORMAL!!!
Doesn't help much, though, does it?
I packed the worlds best and most comprehensive hospital bag for C.'s birth and the worlds worst and most ridiculous bag for BB's birth. Used nothing the first time and everything too soon the second time. I didn't care, though. The hospital had pretty much everything I needed (though not as comfortable as my own stuff) and I just wore the same clothes home that I had been wearing for a couple days. I would have loved to look like a celebrity leaving the hospital, but that was never going to happen. Don't worry about the bag; you will do fine with just the bare necessities. And everything else will work itself out, too.
Put your feet up and concentrate all your energy on speeding up the space/time continuum to a pace that gets Beanie here in the fastest, safest time possible.
Being lighthearted here, but thinking of you seriously.
My initial response is I think progress has been made.
Wishing you a less stressful end to this pregnancy where you end up with a live, wriggling, wailing baby.
I hate those why-are-you-so-naive feelings, but I have them every single time I think that something good might happen to me. I can only imagine how must worse they must be for you.
Thinking of you.
How did the monitoring sessions go?
I am glad your mom is there for you, and that the cervix is cooperating.
thinking about you for the ultrasound tomorrow. Must be very soon your time already.
I can't believe it's so close now. I have been thinking about you a lot recently.
Much love to you Rosepetal x x x x
I'm sorry about the suspense and the waiting. I would not worry two figs about that hospital bag. You've got the camera, you've got the paperwork. That's all you need at first. People will gladly supply you with whatever else comes up after the fact.
Thinking of you.
I feel so excited and yet so sick for you! I get so nervous when anyone I know is pregnant and close to the due date. I know that the odds are for a healthy (not to mention live) baby, but being on the sucky side of the odds just makes me feel like throwing up.
Rosepetal,
I hope things are going well:) I am so anxious to hear of Beanie's arrival. I hope you are enjoying having your Mum here and let us know how you are doing.
I am here thinking of you, too. I read your posts with my breath caught in my throat.
Hi, hope everything is ok. Thinking of you.
V.
Just popping in to check on you hope all is well.
Hope all is well with you Rosepetal.
Love K x x
Thinking of you and Beanie.
Thinking of you. Beanie will be here soon! :-)
Just popping in to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope you're doing okay. Well, more than okay, but you know what I mean.
((((HUGS))))
Been checking in a lot the last few days. thinking of all of you.
Rosepetal,
Hoping all is well:) I hope Beanie has made his debut by now:) Thinking of you and hoping all is well. Dena
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