I am going to see my psychiatrist tomorrow morning, for the first time since Beanie's birth. Unfortunately the appointment is at 9am and I'm already wondering how I will manage to get up, both dressed, both fed, and me showered and on the bus by then, but I'm sure I'll make it work somehow.
Yes, I am taking Beanie with me. I spent so long talking about him to my psychiatrist that I wanted her to meet him and also otherwise I would find it hard to go at all - I don't have any childcare arranged yet. My in-laws have looked after Beanie a bit but they are going on holiday tomorrow morning.
It seems that most people don't really want to talk about V or A any more and don't expect me to either. As if with the birth of Beanie, the past two years disappeared. Well, no they didn't.
The other day I saw a friend who had a boy in the same hospital in which I gave birth, one week before V was born. She has been a good friend but uptil now I had only seen her son, T., once by accident when I bumped into them in shopping centre. On Friday I saw them both, and watched T running around, getting into mischief and generally being happy.
Who could help but think this is what my son would be doing now if he had lived? But no-one wants to really hear it. It's like the whole topic of V has suddenly become a bit old.
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At almost 12 weeks, Beanie is still a stingy smiler and I still worry about him having a problem but was glad to read your comments up to 4 months being normal. He's seems to be doing well otherwise.
6 years ago
4 comments:
No, the two years didn't disappear, but people expect you to be 'better' with the appearance of a living child. But you will never forget what you have been through, and neither will we. So, i don't know.
I do know that for us, as the years pass, it becomes odder & odder to talk about Nicolas -- because somehow what do you say anymore? It is not as if there is anything *new* to add.
I can't believe that you actually read my whole post about Theo's hospitalization....i didn't expect anyone to finish reading it. It did help me a lot to write it out, though. Yeah, the MIL is a piece of work. She really is nice overall -- she is not mean-spirited but she can be really ignorant. You can bet it never occurred to her that we all spoke English when living in France! And that she, the tourist, expected everyone to know english to talk to her.
I often wonder if our children died at 2 or 6 or 25, if we would be expected to not talk about them and that their sibling would be expected to replace them. I just don't get why that expectation is there with babies that die in the womb.
I see them all the time, the children who are the same age as one of my lost babies would have been, including my niece who I see all the time since my husband is close to his family, it hurts but what can you do!
XXX
I know exactly what you mean. It feels like no one wants to hear about M anymore, but I am thinking about him. Especially when I see someone about his age.
The worse part is when I do decide the mention him sometimes, it annoys me to hear the thud of silence from the other person. I leave them speechless by merely mentioning my son.
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