"Your marriage," he said, "should have a place within it, a secret and protected place open to you alone.
"Imagine it to be a walled garden, entered by a door to which you only hold the key.
"Within this garden you will cease to be a mother, father, employee, homemaker or any other of the roles which you fulfil in daily life.
"Here you are yourselves - two people who love each other. Here you can concentrate on one another's needs."
And so we made our walled garden.
At first we went there often, enjoying each other's company, sharing secrets, growing closer.
But now our days are packed with plans and people.
Conversation has become a message scribbled on a pad.
The door into our garden is almost hidden by rank weeds of busy-ness.
We claim we have no time because we have forgotten that love grows if it is tended, and if neglected, dies.
But we can always make the time for what is most important in our lives.
So take my hand and let us go back to our garden.
The time we spend together is not wasted but invested in our future and the nurture of our love.
This was one of the readings at my wedding in 2005. We have not visited our walled garden for a very long time. We don't invest time in our future by nurturing our love. We seem to lead parallel lives. The weeds are overgrown and choking the roses. Our days are not packed with plans and people, rather silence, selfishness and resentment.
I hope we can find our way back.
14 comments:
That is a beautiful verse. Triple S and I have slowed our lives waaay down. We have our own rhythm no, out of sync with the world, but one we must maintain in order to be able to cope with our grief. After reading this, I think perhaps we locked ourselves in our garden for awhile.
I am sure that if you find your way through the weeds covering the entrance, your secret garden is still beautiful and bountiful.
((hugs))
I hope you find your way back.
M and I have gone through times where the weeds get in the way as well. Living like passing ships in the night.
But somehow we always get through it. You will, too.
(((hugs)))
I need to find my way back as well. to easy to get lost I think!
Hugs
xxx
Hi Rosepetal,
I was directed to your post by Ya Chun. My marriage is in similar bad shape. It's such a difficult and sad situation and I'm sorry you find yourself in it.
Lordy, you too! That's what years of sadness does to a couple. i'm hoping this weekends trip nurtures ouruntended garden a little.
maybe a little get away will do for you too, if you can manage it obviously?
HUGS my dear. XXX
We are going through a bit of a rough patch and leading parallel lives here too. I have no words of wisdom or advice but wanted you to know you aren't alone in those feelings. xoxo
ummm....us too?
Actually we are now (as in, during the last few weeks) getting along much better. This seems to wax & wane for us. Sometimes, it is unexpected things that bring us closer together -- 'date night', a dinner together, is nothing but silence...which is why i hate to go out. But taking down the scaffolding together was oddly healing.
I don't have an answer. You have been through so much....i hope you can find your way back as well.
Those three biggies - silence, selfishness and resentment - have found their way into our life, too.
I hope we all of can find our way back to our gardens.
(((HUGS)))
I read this a few days ago, but blogger wouldn't cooperate with my attempts to cooperate.
I hope you can find your way.
But thank you so much for posting this poem, it's really been making me think, about how I've not been the best partner myself lately.
Much love to you.
That's a beautiful poem. It's weird how we can suddenly find ourselves in this place. It seems that it's more common that we think by reading the previous comments. I hope you make your way back to that place.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. You've both been through so much - so much more than any couple should have to bear - and I think it truly does take its toll. I hope you can both find your way back too.
Thinking of you...
It feels like quite a few couples are feeling like that at the moment. We are going through a very similar thing too. I loved your idea of a walled private garden for the two of us, at the moment however I don't have a clue what we would say to each other.
You two have been through so so much in such a short time. In 3 years, losing two boys and your dad before Beanie coming into your life. And living children can cause as much strain on a relationship as dead ones. Your lives will never be the same. It's very easy to get into a slump. I know. I have been. I am.
Hugs, Connie
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