So, you are just a jerk after all

I am talking about my ex-friend, and I hope soon-to-be ex-boss as I am trying to switch to another team in the next few months.

He keeps trying to talk to me and he keeps screwing it up. One time a few weeks ago, the conversation went:

EFSTBEB: Yeah, me and C. have sooo much work to do, we were up until 2am the other night

Me: (silent, thinking what do you want me to say? That I think you're dumb? Should I share my life-perspective with you and state how I think you should be spending a bit of time with your 10 month old son instead?)

EFSTBEB: On Friday we just decided to both switch off our phones and take a day off.

Me: (thinking, I have to say something) Great.

EFSTBEB: We just ran away from everything. Bit like you and [DH], didn't you run away from everything and go to New York a few weeks ago.

Me: (flabbergasted that he was comparing having too much work with having a son die) No, EFSTBEB, I'm not able to run away from what happened. There is no escape from your emotions. I take it with me wherever I go.

Better response thought of afterwards: If you knew someone who lost their right arm, would you tell them to take a holiday from it?


Then a few days ago this happened:

EFSTBEB: Hi [Rosepetal], got time for a coffee?

Me: (thinking, I have to give him some credit for trying again) OK

EFSTBEB over coffees: Ah, not sure if you know, me and C. have been having problems lately. Boy, having a baby is hard, C. sure has a lot of advice for anyone considering having a baby,-

Me: Stop EFSTBEB. I have to tell you something, I do not have the emotional energy to hear this right now. My baby is dead, I know four months have gone by, but he's still dead. I think it's a bit insensitive of you to talk with me about how difficult it is having a baby at home. I'm sorry to say this, but unless I tell you if what you're saying is helpful or not, I figure you will never know.

EFSTBEB: Uh, yeah, that's okay, I'm sorry.

Me: (silence)

EFSTBEB: (silence)

Me: You asked a while ago about a photograph of [Moksha] but I don't think you've seen [DH] since then. Here is a photo of him

EFSTBEB: (silence, looks at the photo)

EFSTBEB: (quite affected) OK, I understand, I am only just really starting to think about what it really means and I'm already overwhelmed, so I cannot imagine what it is like for you.

Me: (thinking, finally he gets it! I have educated someone about grief).

We went on then to have a normal work conversation. I felt able to do that because he had finally acknowledged the depth of my loss.


Cut to about two hours ago. Now, I have a lot of holidays which I have not taken. I had planned to take them all at the end of my maternity leave before my unpaid leave started and was saving them all year for that. Since there is no baby at home, I started back at work. I'm taking some of my days, but I can't take all of them. I asked for a deferment of some of them for next year. We just had a conversation about it and the reasons and about how it might not be possible (to be fair to EFSTBEB, it's not really his fault). At the end of this conversation:

Me: So EFSTBEB, as we have just discussed I won't be in next week as I'm taking some days. So have a nice Christmas.

EFSTBEB: (big smiles) Oh yeah, that's right! Drink LOTS of champagne!

Me: (silent, no smiles)

Better response thought of afterwards: Right, EFSTBEB, as we JUST discussed, I have A LOT to celebrate! Losing my baby and my vacation too! You really are a jerk, aren't you?

**********
On a different note, when he told me to drink lots of champagne, I thought, "I may not be able to as I may be pregnant." AF didn't come today. I still haven't tested. My cycles after Moksha's birth went 10 days, 16 days, 23 days, 29 days. So, following that trend what if this one was supposed to be 35 days? Then now would not be the right time to test. On the other hand, we also probably missed the boat if that was the case.

I managed to pluck up the courage to buy a test though, so there is now an HPT actually in my appartment. We'll see.