Next Friday is my end of 1st trimester tests. Nuchal fold, triple screen, u/s to check everything out.
I am terrified. If the foetus turns out to have a serious problem, chromosomal or otherwise, I just have no idea how I will handle that, nor how to prepare for it, nor how to talk about it with DH.
Of course I'm also terrified because of the usual reasons, the foetus could turn out to have died already, it's already been nearly two weeks since the last u/s. It only took Moksha 3 days to go from perfectly healthy to no heartbeat.
And then there's the terror of having to actually start believing and hoping if this check shows everything okay, only to risk it all being dashed down again later on.
(I can't believe that we were so naive as to have happily filmed this u/s check with Moksha. At least that means I have a video of him moving, although it will probably be 20 years from now before I can bring myself to watch it again).
6 years ago
10 comments:
oh, i am completely there with your 100%. the anticipation that something could be wrong is awful, and so much worse when you have experienced that yes, things can go wrong. I just had those tests and made it through alive (so far!). I will be thinking positive thoughts for you - for an uneventful, normal appt. you DESERVE it!!!!!
I wish there was something I could say to help make things *easier* for you. I realize that simply isn't possible.
I will be keeping you in my thoughts...and I'll be doing the best I can to try to make time fly by as quickly as possible for you over the coming months.
The anticipation of each and every appointment is awful, I remember all too well. And there's no way to ease the terror. It never got easier when I was pregnant with Kameron. It only got better when he was out of my body and the pregnancy was done.
I wish I could make it easier for you. Big (((hugs))) and I will be thinking of you.
It's so sad that what was once a joyful time becomes one of fear, where you're terrified to even hope in case something goes wrong. I'll be thinking of you.
I'm sure everything will be fine. But I do understand your worry. Getting this neg result from my last cycle was almost filled with relief. I didn't have to worry about things for 8 months. I have no idea how I would cope if i was pg again.
So I'm not going to tell you not to worry because i understand why you are.
Life really sux. Its terrible that you cant enjoy being pg. So unfair.
hugs
xxx
It is all so hard. What kathy said...the terror doesn't stop until they are born alive...and then it is still there, but much less (at least for me). I am thinking of you!
I am praying for you for your upcoming u/s.
I have one u/s of Ian that we have on tape. It's been 3.5 years and I haven't watched it. Someday.
From my next pregnancy, I only have one u/s picture but no tape. I actually wish I had one to someday look at. *sigh*
I've been thinking about you. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. {{{Hugs}}}
OH GOSH! You have a video, I didn't know that! OH my! yeh, I know, I'm stuttering, its just that, you know, a video. Of course you didn't know what the outcome would be, and to have that still hanging around, wow.
all I have is ultrasound pics and I come across them often, although I still bawl every time.
Such an experience takes all the joy out of pregnancy, I totally feel your angst.
HUGS
X Artblog
I hope you will be able to look at the u/s some day.
I will be thinking about you on Friday - can't wait for this week to be over. Take care
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