I haven't updated for a while, and this is only partially due to lack of time. I have also been having a blogistential crisis.
Is it going to become a place where I write about my life in general including Beanie, being a mother to a living child etc.?
Or will it remain a place where I write with a focus on my dead children V and A?
Can I make it a place where I write about both - parenting the living with the perspective of parenting the dead as a background?
Do I write it only for myself or also for my readers, which I am assuming are / were made up largely of others in the "dead baby" community.
Or do I just end it here? If I did this I would probably leave it up, but do some edits to make it really anonymous. I know after V. died I read other blogs obsessively for a while, finding a strange but cold comfort in the fact that I wasn't alone and that people do manage somehow to stumble on, albeit wounded and bleeding for a while, after having a dead child. They gave me a perspective of months and years down the line when I was so close to one of life's most painful events. I hope someone else reading this blog in that same situation can derive some small essence of comfort from reading here.
I do have some topics I would like to still write posts about - Beanie's birth story, my feelings about A. and what happened to him, my relationship with V., whether our sense of perspective is maintained through sleep-deprivation-induced bad tempers, ex-acquaintances and family members who have been silent for almost two years suddenly coming out of the woodwork asking for details about Beanie. But once I've exhausted these topics, I'm not sure whether I should or can continue.
We'll see how it goes.
P.S. Today is Beanie's due date. Now he is here and three weeks old, I absolutely cannot imagine having waited until now to have him.
6 years ago
11 comments:
I hope you continue to write. It can't be easy parenting the living child and getting to see all the things you have missed with your older sons.
Personally, I would love to have you stay on. I'm not a member of the "dead baby community" but still a mom that would like to hear how you are doing as a mom to one cute little boy! However, if you chose to turn the page, I wish you all the best and pass on the knowledge that (1) yes, it will get better, really, and (2) you will indeed sleep again, and it will happen before they turn 18.
Of course it's your decision. But I'd miss you.
I hope you'll continue to blog, especially about your experiences parenting after loss. I am also not a member of the 'dead baby club' but as an infertility blogger, I find it incredibly helpful to read about other women working through their losses. So purely for selfish reasons, I think you should keep blogging, but if you don't I think it would be wonderful if you left your story up on the web. It is so frustrating to read a blog for months and then try to find it again (often because you want someone else to look at it) only to have it be gone.
I hope you find a way to continue writing in whatever form it takes. I for one would miss you. Not just for the dead baby thing but for the fact that I like hearing how you're doing.
I'm glad you're all doing well x x
I also hope you continue to write. I have struggled with that same thing for the last 2 years. I find that blogging is an outlet for my feelings of grief and also lets people know how I am doing. I wondered if I should keep writing on the blog about other areas of my life (not having had a new baby) but since the blog is called Kendra's World figured it would be wrong to write about other stuff.
It being her 3rd birthday today makes me think again about stopping. I don't update much anyway. Maybe you can start a new blog and just link to it from this one - Beanie's own blog. But I for one would like to hear occasionally how you are doing. So happy that Beanie is doing well.
PS: Howcome I can't find you using Bloglines? I tried to set up a feed to your blog but it doesn't allow it. Hence I missed Beanie's picture cos I didn't know you had updated:(
Like the rest, I would encourage you to stay on. So many opt to end their grief-oriented blogs and start up a new one to signify the change when they have a living child. Perhaps that would work for you?
OTOH, grown-up life doesn't segregate the good times from the bad times in neatly packaged, thematically pure categories. Continuing the old blog with the new stories would be consistent with that, too.
And as a person who also obsessively read blogs after my loss, I have to say I found knowing that many people moved on to have living children and a different set life challenges and dilemmas was enormously comforting and hopeful for me back in those early days of despair.
Perfectly, perfectly said Rosepetal!
Personally I'm playing it by ear, seeing how much I have to write about or not as the case may be. For the moment, like yourself :) its the boy thats keeping me away buts thats normal since our babies are so small still.
I get told frequently, especially in a private email that my blog has given inspiration and as you said so well, cold comfort.
XXX
As a deadabaymama, I would appreciate it if you continue to blog here, esp.about your feelings about your first two babies as your new beanie grows. It really is your life and one things is not over since a new began.
and congrats! I missed the pic too but i bet he is gorgeous!
good luck
I'm stuck in just the same way. I sit down to write and I just can't. I'm having a lot of trouble finding a balance. We're also still not sleeping around here and I probably wouldn't make sense anyway.
I'm bummed that I missed the picture :( I'm sure that Beanie's just gorgeous though!
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