Last week on Tuesday I had another panic which involved my driving to the hospital on my own (DH had to take care of Beanie) for a heart rate monitoring session. I hadn't been feeling confident on the movements all day, and despite having found Coccinelle's heartbeat with my Doppler two or three times, it had all just built up by the time DH got home and I called the hospital in tears.
First I called the local hospital which isn't where I'm delivering, but is 5 minutes drive away from the new house. But they don't know me or my history and I was explaining it in tears. They were all set to have me come in when I said that I was delivering at the other hospital. Then the person I was speaking to asked if I had felt a movement within the last 2 hours (I had, I just wasn't feeling great about the strength of the movements) and she said it would be better to drive to the hospital I would be delivering at. That's about 25 mins drive away. She also gave me some crap about how one movement within 24 hours is enough??!!
By the time I called my own hospital to say I wanted to come in, I was well stressed. And it was in the end better to go there, as a) the midwife answering the phone knew me and my history - she even knew me when I was pregnant with V and b) told me that of course I could come in straightaway and c) to be careful driving.
Coccinelle was fine. At my next checkup with my OB, which was this week on Tuesday, we discussed the episode and she said that EVERYONE knew my history at the hospital I'm delivering at and that of course I should go to the nearest hospital in case of an real emergency but probably it was best to go to my own hospital for these monitoring sessions.
We had previously talked about my getting back in touch with my psychiatrist, who followed me through A's diagnosis, my father's death and my whole pregnancy with Beanie. But there is nothing much new to say, so I don't feel this would help me. (and also I don't know if my insurance will pay for more psych sessions). I did my usual trick of self-analysis, which doesn't always come out well, and determined two new things this time around:
1) With Beanie, if it had come to a choice between my life and his life, I was 100% sure that his life should be saved. Now, if something were to happen to me during the birth, I can't fathom how Beanie would manage without a mother. I feel quite conflicted about this and there is no conclusion to be drawn. I also can't fathom sacrificing Coccinelle for my own life.
2) Because I have to explain that Coccinelle is coming to Beanie, it forces me to a position where I have to say "when Coccinelle is here" rather than "if Coccinelle makes it". I stuck to the "if" position with Beanie until he was actually born safe and sound.
Those are the new aspects.
Anyway, I've stopped working now (phew) and as from next week will be on two checks a week, and then we will take it as is necessary.
Sorry for rambling post.
6 years ago
2 comments:
Whew, at least work is out of the equation!!!
This might be annoyingly positive, but..... You aren't going to have to choose between your life and Coccinelle's. How do I know? I don't. But honestly, if you can possibly focus on the winning side of statistics, it is incredibly rare to have to make that decision. I know how easy it is to focus on the 1% when you have lived the 1%. But remember the 99%, you know, where the sunshine and butterflies live.
Secondly, ONE MOVEMENT IN 24 HOURS??????? Who's head is in the sand?
I am glad they all know your history at your hospital. I am thankful that I am going for these weekly NSTs. The nurses are well reminded of my history by now. Give them another few weeks and we'll be as good as sisters. It makes life so much easier to not have to explain.
I am completely surprised at myself re: explaining impending arrival of new baby in our house to BB. I am totally confident when I speak to him. It is a complete WHEN not IF. Very different. I have as good as promised him a perfect outcome. I must refuse to consider the alternative.
Thinking of you lots. Can't wait until we can exchange photos of the new little ones (see me being so super positive, there. I am quite annoying...).
Hugs.
I'm glad you've stopped working now! That is excellent :)
Your post somehow reminded me of this time when i was pg with Chloe & panicked b/c her movements weren't right all day, so i went to the hospital for montioring. Dh stayed home with A, who was sleeping, as by this point it must've been 9-10 pm.
So, of course my mom calls me en route "um, everything is fine mom, but i can't talk, i'm driving....er, we're out of milk, i'm going to the store to get some milk. Call you later." Damn, we are ALWAYS running out of milk when i am pg. THEN, of course, the road to the hospital was closed because it was the Dream Cruise weekend. There were loads of cars trying to go the opposite direction, policemen directing traffic, road barriers, and i was stuck. I pulled up on the side & walked up through the traffic to the intersection waving at the cop, saying "uh, i need to get to the hospital, OKAY? CAN YOU LET ME THROUGH *PLEASE* ???" Nothing like being 36 weeks preggo and saying you need to go to the hospital to get people's attention!
Anyway i thought that would make you laugh, it always makes me laugh remembering it.
Post a Comment