24th July was V's due date. I spent my pregnancy focused on this date. It came and went. The last picture of the old me was taken today three years ago - I just look so happy in it.
The last time I "saw" and "heard" him alive was three years ago tomorrow - through the ultrasound screen and heartbeat monitoring where he was absolutely fine.
I don't think anyone else remembers this date, even DH has not mentioned it. Even I didn't remember it first thing.
I wish my three year-old was here, that he had been born alive on his due date instead stillborn five days later. He could quite easily be playing with Beanie now and talking up a bilingual storm.
I just read a news story about Roge.r Fe.der.er's wife having healthy twin girls yesterday. And my first thought was not a morose one but a brief genuine internal smile of "great news!" It's a measure of how far I have come in three years that I could have that as a first thought. (In fact it's not in three years. It's only since Beanie has graced my life).
6 years ago
5 comments:
(((hugs))) Rosepetal. I am remembering with you.
The last time I heard my girl alive and well was the day after her due date. She was stillborn four days later. I have a funny relationship with my due date (rapidly approaching) as she should have been born alive and well on this date. I still winced today when I heard Roger Federer's news. I still have a long way to go.
Remembering V with you, with love.
This year was the first year I actually forgot about my Alex's due date. It came and went and I didn't realize it until two days later. It's been almost 5 years since I lost her.
(((hugs))) you're always in my thoughts.
Thinking of you Rosepetal. I wish he were here too. You have come a long way!
((hugs))
i've got one of those pics too.
hopefully each year more peace and love will fill us - taking up the room from the intense pain.
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